The Hidden Risks of Informal Agreements Between Parents

Teaser: Verbal agreements may feel cooperative—but without a court order, they may not protect either parent.

Many parents who separate try to handle parenting arrangements cooperatively without immediately going to court. They may agree on a parenting schedule, decide how expenses will be handled, or determine who the child will primarily live with. In some cases, parents even write these agreements down, sign them, and have them notarized. While these arrangements may seem responsible and cooperative, they can create significant legal risk if a paternity case has not been filed and no court order exists.

In Indiana, agreements between parents are not legally enforceable until a judge approves them through a court order—typically called an Order Establishing Paternity, Custody, Parenting Time, and Child Support. Many parents believe that if both parties agree to something, especially if the agreement is written and notarized, it will protect them if a dispute arises later. Unfortunately, that is not how the law works.

Until paternity is legally established and the court issues an order, any informal custody or parenting time arrangement is unenforceable. Even a detailed written agreement between parents may not hold up in court. This can lead to unexpected and stressful situations.

For example, a parent may follow a mutually agreed parenting schedule for months or even years, only to have the other parent suddenly refuse visits. One parent may move with the child or drastically change the schedule. A parent who has been paying informal child support may later discover there is no legal record of those payments. Disagreements may also arise regarding who actually has custody rights.

Without a court order, the court has nothing to enforce.

Some parents attempt to make their agreement appear more official by signing it in front of a notary. While this may make the document look formal, a notarized agreement between parents is not the same as a court order. Even if both parents signed the document and intended to follow it, either parent may later change course without the other having a clear legal remedy.

Initiating a paternity case allows the court to formally establish legal paternity, custody, parenting time, child support, and other important rights and responsibilities.

Once these issues are addressed in a court order, both parents have clear expectations and legal protections. If one parent stops following the order, the other parent can ask the court to enforce it.

Many parents avoid court because they want to keep things amicable and flexible. Cooperation is valuable and often in the child’s best interests. However, having a court order in place does not prevent parents from continuing to cooperate or make day‑to‑day adjustments when needed.

Instead, it creates a clear legal framework that protects both parents and provides stability for the child.

Informal agreements may feel easier in the moment, but they can leave parents vulnerable if disagreements arise. Establishing paternity and obtaining a court order for custody, parenting time, and child support helps ensure that both parents—and the child—have the protection and stability they deserve.